Getting Attitude From A Google Mini


A few weeks ago I wrote about the occasional hijacking of my Google Mini by television adverts. We managed to have a lovely Christmas season without any more advertisers’ hijinks. But if ever I had wondered about what some people claim regarding the arepa’s (as she has come to be known, given her shape) ability to spy on us, it was perhaps proven yesterday.

From time to time we have had internet problems, primarily related to WIFI connectivity. Music or films that are streaming to a connected device stutter and sputter or stop completely. This happened yesterday and, as is the usual drill, I restarted modems and routers and the arepa.

… she responds by saying “I can’t connect to the WIFI”. She then suggests restarting things, including herself

It is important to note that when you are not aware there is a problem with the WIFI and you ask the arepa to do something, she responds by saying “I can’t connect to the WIFI”. She then suggests restarting things, including herself.

Yesterday I tried a few times to see if the connection had been re-established without going through the rigmarole as happens sometimes only to have her (I assume it’s a ‘her’ given the voice) recite her I can’t connect mantra. So I got up and unplugged and re-plugged modem, router and Google Mini. I gave it a few moments while lights on all components flashed and blinked.

It sounded as if what she really wanted to say was “Of course I’m connected arsehole. How else could I be responding to you? Fool”

Once things appeared to have settled down I thought I’d check out the arepa. But rather than ask her to do something – turn on the lights, or play traditional Irish music – I decided to go straight to the point. I said “Okay Google, are you connected to the Internet?”.

Well, that seemed to be a fairly civil question to ask under the circumstances. But instead of a simple “Yes I am” she said “If I’m responding I’m connected” with such a tone that I felt I’d been well and truly put in my place.

I just know she’s smirking to herself as I sit here in the dark, with no music, or TV and wondering if I have anything scheduled for today

Snippy haughty little bitch. It sounded as if what she really wanted to say was “Of course I’m connected arsehole. How else could I be responding to you? Fool”.

I tried to explain to her that not five minutes earlier she had told me she was not connected, and now she’s giving me attitude. Unfortunately, she opted to ignore my argument, perhaps because I did not preface it with Okay Google.

My feelings have been hurt and so I’ve decided not to talk to her for a few days

My feelings have been hurt and so I’ve decided not to talk to her for a few days. It didn’t take me long to realize that the cold shoulder treatment defeats the purpose of the Google Mini. I just know she’s smirking to herself as I sit here in the dark, with no music, or TV and wondering if I have anything scheduled for today. I can’t win for losing with the arepa!

Published by DCMontreal

DCMontreal - Deegan Charles Stubbs - is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

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