Strange UPS Pick-Up Point

My wife ordered something that was to be delivered by UPS. Not surprisingly they attempted to make the delivery when we were out. No problem, they left a sticker indicating where we could pick up the package the next day. There is a UPS Store not far from our place that I assumed was the pick-up point, but I was wrong.

I was going to take a photo, but not being all that brave and sensing this was not the kind of place that cameras would be welcomed, I gave it a miss.

As I strolled along the street toward the UPS Store I checked the sticker and realize that this was not the spot. The Store has a 4100 address while the sticker had 1810 on the same street as the place I wanted. Okay, no problem, it was on my way to where I was going anyway, but I was curious as I could not picture another UPS Store in the area.

Along I meandered in the autumn sun enjoying a beautiful day all the while approaching the address on the sticker. As I was on the correct block I still could not fathom where I was headed and started to re-read the sticker in case I had made a mistake, or had the driver been wrong. Nope, all was clear.

When I arrived at 1810 I had to look long and hard to find the UPS decal on the door of what is essentially a pawn shop. I made my way in and found several people already in the small shop. Two staff were busy with customers buying and/or selling mostly electronic goods. So I waited. It was while I was biding my time that I noticed a handwritten sign that carried the message: UPS customers please wait. If you have any questions about the store please feel free to ask. I was going to take a photo, but not being all that brave and sensing this was not the kind of place that cameras would be welcomed, I gave it a miss.

In other words serving UPS clients, who evidently bring no monetary reward to the store, … is second on the list after dealing with actual paying customers regardless of the order of arrival. 

In other words serving UPS clients, who evidently bring no monetary reward to the store, other than to drag people in, is second on the list after dealing with actual paying customers regardless of the order of arrival. A customer entering this little place after a UPS customer, but interested in buying an iPhone, is given priority.

I have never had any trouble with UPS (I did finally get the package), and I have always thought they have the very best toll-free number with 1-800-PICK-UPS but they really have to give some thought to the kind of place they send their clients to. With so many UPS Stores, why use third-party outlets at all?

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

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Hiccups as Torture

The topic of waterboarding was in the news a few years ago. This method of extracting information from suspected terrorists – otherwise known as torture – has its critics. Many see it as cruel and unusual punishment, while others consider it an effective means of saving lives. It is a form of water torture in which water is poured over a cloth covering the face and breathing passages of an immobilized captive, causing the individual to experience the sensation of drowning. Ain’t that a joy. Who thinks of these things?

As I see it, should I ever be tortured I figure about 0.0067 seconds into the process I would start spouting classified information …

While I tend to stay on the right side of the law for the most part, and therefore do not fear being tortured to divulge state secrets, I often wonder who long I would be able to hold out. As I see it, should I ever be tortured I figure about 0.0067 seconds into the process I would start spouting classified information, and if I did not know any, I would start making up information.

But what would be just as effective on me as the infamous waterboarding would be – if such a thing exists –  the introduction of hiccups. Yes indeed those diaphragm jarring, ultra infuriating, spasms that, once they set in, make life a misery for their duration. For some folks hiccups or hiccoughs if you prefer, are nothing more than a mere annoyance. For this agent they are exasperating. Many a pleasant evening has been interrupted by the onset of this curse.

… sipping ice water, a bit of sugar or vinegar, and even a quick Google search to see who the patron saint of hiccups is …

Fortunately, I have, over the years, discovered that a yoga shoulder stand with breath held gets rid of them nine out of ten times. I only turn to this as a last resort, not just because it is a bit risky given the possibility of passing-out, but does tend to draw a crowd of onlookers when performed in the men’s room! Like most I go through the steps of holding my breath, (someone told me to apply pressure to the trigeminal nerve under the jawline at the same time), sipping ice water, a bit of sugar or vinegar, and even a quick Google search to see who the patron saint of hiccups is – alas they have not yet deemed the problem needs a saint.

Once all these socially acceptable attempts have been exhausted and I am still convulsing like a fool every seven or eight seconds, and starting to hurt, I hightail it off to the nearest men’s room or bedroom should I be at someone’s home. Down on the floor I get, up go my legs and before you know it I’m breathing naturally once again.

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

Montreal Mayoralty Candidate With a Twist

It’s municipal election campaign time in Montreal. Along with countless radio interviews and television appearances featuring candidates from all parties, the city is awash with posters. Most streets are festooned with posters attached to posts, poles, and walls.

Not surprisingly these posters, with lovely full-colour photographs of candidates, are often vandalized. Sometimes it is harmless doodles such as eyeglasses or a mustache, sometimes a criticism or the candidate and unfortunately the occasional racist comment.

One candidate, Tyler Lemco, who is seeking the mayor’s chair – well, sort of – has solved the problem by posting signs and encouraging people to deface them. As reported in the Montreal Gazette: It’s his first election campaign, but not his first election-sign campaign. In the 2015 federal election, he put up several posters featuring his name, his face, a city of Montreal logo and his slogan: “Not running for anything, I just wanted a sign.”

I happened to pass one of his signs yesterday and although I did not succumb to the temptation I was amused by one comment in particular about not wanting to be told what to do. A great representation of how you can please some of the people some of the time …….

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

Kung Fu Fraud: Justin Trudeau Visits Donald Trump

That’s not Master Kan … he’s a fraud!

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

Exceptional Enforcement of Supermarket Rule

If you read this blog regularly you know that I have had my share of supermarket incidents including the BBQ chicken knock down. I am quick to criticise so it behooves me to be equally prompt in praising those who do the correct thing. Yesterday I witnessed an exceptional display of the proper enforcement of supermarket regulations.

On the way home yesterday I stopped by the same supermarket that has been the bane of my shopping experiences. I had four items. I also had to have lottery tickets validated which ruled out all but the customer service cash as this store does not allow cashiers at other check-outs to process tickets.

I am quick to criticise so it behooves me to be equally prompt in praising those who do the correct thing. Yesterday I witnessed an exceptional display of the proper enforcement of supermarket regulations.

At the eight or fewer items service cash the scene was: one woman was finishing the payment process; next was a woman with at least 15 items in her cart; then a woman with just one product and me. There were people behind me but they did not factor into the incident.

As the first woman was completing her transaction and moving off, the next in line began placing her items on the conveyor belt. The one-item woman in front of me caught my eye and drew my attention to the number of products in the cart. I shrugged and chose not to get involved, lest I really make a name for myself in this store.

The lady put exactly eight items on the counter, placed an order separator and proceeded to put more items. Here’s the good part; when the cashier finished with the paying customer, turned and saw how many items were there she pointed out that it was eight or less at this cash. The woman, evidently ready for this said I am shopping for two people. The cashier, God bless her, stood her ground and told the woman she could not do that unless the other person was with her.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an ogre; 9 or ten items at the eight or less cash is no big deal.

Annoyed, the woman left her items on the counter and said, are you going to make me take them off and go to another line? Yes ma’am, said the cashier. Sure enough, the woman swept her items back into her cart and made off for the end of another line, but not before glaring at me for some reason (has my reputation grown to that size?). I merely shrugged but could not contain myself entirely, saying nice try. She mumbled something about it not being a try but an honest attempt. As many kids say these days, whatever.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an ogre; 9 or ten items at the eight or less cash is no big deal. But the deliberate attempt to skip the line was too much. I thanked the cashier for imposing the rules and thereby ensuring the smooth flow of the express cash.

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

Outlander, Mr. Peabody and Time Travel

Mr. Peabody, his boy Sherman and the Wayback Machine

 

Having binge watched the first two seasons on Netflix, my wife is now reduced to a single weekly episode of Outlander. The hugely popular historical time travel series is in its third season, with a promise of a fourth to follow.

…I have never really been able to grasp books or films that include time travel or fantasy

When she watched it on Netflix, Spanish being her first language, she took advantage of the English subtitles to decipher the often thick Scottish accent and 1700’s vocabulary. I’m not certain if the W Network offers subtitles. Although, I must admit that in addition to learning some Scottish words including aye, nae, and bairn she has mastered the program’s catch phrase “I am Sassenach”, Gaelic for outlander. I know because she says it several times an hour a day!

I have watched bits and pieces of a few episodes but have not been bitten by the Outlander bug. This is not surprising, as I have never really been able to grasp books or films that include time travel or fantasy. I just can’t suspend reality; could never understand the appeal of mind altering drugs. When I read a book and come upon a character walking through a wall or, as is the case of the Outlander, a stone, I lose interest. I have to believe things are possible.

…I can’t help but find myself thinking about Mr Peabody and his Wayback Machine! (And of course his boy Sherman.)

As I sit watching the lead female character, Claire Fraser, prepare for and discuss her intended return to 1740’s Scotland I can’t help but find myself thinking about Mr Peabody and his Wayback Machine! (And of course his boy Sherman.)

Although I would be remiss if I did not mention that time travel nudity is just as pleasing to the eye as present day – of course I mean Outlander, not Mr. Peabody and Sherman.

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

WKRP Thanksgiving: As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly

Although Canadian Thanksgiving is technically tomorrow, across the country millions of families will be gathering today for a traditional meal. Feelings of love and warmth, if only superficial, will abound. Like our neighbours to the south this usually entails a roast turkey. I am no exception, and will be stuffing and roasting as the day goes on. While taking time to be thankful for so many things, I have begun the annual  process of recalling a classic episode of WKRP in Cincinnati.

…  don’t forget to remove the giblets and neck that have been stuffed into both ends of the bird!!

A Thanksgiving promotion goes awry when hundreds of turkeys are dropped from a helicopter over a shopping mall parking lot leading to a scene of fowl carnage.

The entire calamity is summed up by owner Bob Carlson when he states:  As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

Here’s hoping all Canadians who choose to imbibe remember that life lesson, as well as the golden rule of turkey preparation: don’t forget to remove the giblets and neck that have been stuffed into both ends of the bird!! In the meantime, while the bird is roasting have a look at the famous scene.

 

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+