Confession of a High Five Failure

The world is full of people who represent a wide range of colours, religions, a cacophony of languages, and cultures galore. For the most part, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. But some of these people excel at really important things that can make them a whole lot of money and even fame. Think Tiger Woods with golf or Pavarotti with opera. Other people are standouts in less well-known undertakings, such as beer drinking races or surviving the annual bull run in Spain.

Let me come clean here, for me that thing – and I must admit in all honesty that it is just one of many of the shortcomings that I have come to live with – is the ability to high-five. 

Of course, the opposite is true as well; most of us have at least one thing that we just cannot seem to master. Let me come clean here, for me that thing – and I must admit in all honesty that it is just one of many of the shortcomings that I have come to live with – is the ability to high-five. People used to shake hands (or, as the British prefer to say, shake each other by the hand, which always evokes images in my mind of someone brandishing their acquaintance over their head) but at some point, the high-five came into the mainstream from its original spot on playing fields.

Athletes have for years congratulated each other with the slap of a high-five. But more and more I find people greeting each other in the same manner, which is where I have my problem. No matter how much I anticipate the high-five, I always seem to just miss the raised hand. My hand slips off the other and we end up in what might best be called a sort-of-high-elbow-to-forearm.

I have sought coaching for my inability and was told not to look at the elevated palm, but to focus on the approaching elbow. Then just let her rip and voila hand-to-hand contact is sure to follow. I must admit that does work, but I all too often forget about it and find myself watching the two hands sideswipe each other.

Call it what you want, it has been a welcome relief to me, as a high-five disaster looking for a place to happen.

But all is not lost. Fortunately along came the fist bump, made popular by President Barack Obama. I am much better at this little salute than the high-five. The shorter distance allows for better accuracy, the knuckles provide some traction. All-in-all this is a much better means of casual greeting or ‘giving props’, defined as extending proper respect to someone. Call it what you want, it has been a welcome relief to me, as a high-five disaster looking for a place to happen.

Mind you, there are still those who, like the overly tight handshaker, feel they have to punch rather than bump. Cretins both of them, a mere bump will suffice thank you. You’re not Muhammad Ali and I’m not Joe Frazier.

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+