DCMontreal Commentary, DCMontreal Light, Opinion, Television

TLC Could Combine Many Programs Into One

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Last night while watching television with my wife it occurred to me that TLC once a conveyor of intelligent educational fare is breaking ground in the industry. I believe that the network is slowly but ever so surely merging all of its prime-time programs into one. Eventually, viewers will sit down to watch one show that will run for three hours.

I believe the show will be called: I Am Jazz Enjoying My Big Fat Fabulous 600 Pound life.

This season, as Jazz continues her odyssey toward having ‘bottom surgery’, the procedure that will remove her whatsit and replace it with a whosit, a new roadblock has arisen.

Currently one can watch I am Jazz which traces the journey of a teenager as she transitions from male to female. Born a male, Jazz has always identified as a female. Her family is very supportive as she changes before their (and our) eyes into a woman.

This season, as Jazz continues her odyssey toward having ‘bottom surgery’, the procedure that will remove her whatsit and replace it with a whosit, a new roadblock has arisen. Jazz has taken to dealing with her frustrations by binge eating. McDonald’s was mentioned so often you’d think it was a sponsor (and why does Mikey Dee’s always take the rap for binge eating? Doesn’t anyone binge on Burger King? Wendy’s? Popeye’s?).

I recall when a tranny was the thing that made your car move

And speaking of Popeye, Jazz has adopted his ‘I am what I am and that’s all that I am’ approach to her weight problem, choosing to just enjoy life regardless of the extra pounds. Although not as heavy as Whitney on My Big Fat Fabulous Life, her attitude is similar.

If Jazz is not careful she may balloon to the size of those on My 600 Pound Life and then Dr. Nowzaradan will be performing a significantly different surgical procedure on her. Yep, watch as America’s favourite transgender (I recall when a tranny was the thing that made your car move) teenager transitions from bottom surgery to gastric bypass surgery.

DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+
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DCMontreal Commentary, DCMontreal Light, Humor, Media, News, Opinion, Television, Wordpress

“Hey Sis … Side-Hug This!”

Duggars

Well, well, well … what do you know? TLC has gone and canned its 19 Kids and Counting series in the wake of news that the oldest Duggar, Josh, now married and working on his own no doubt ridiculously large family, had on several occasions molested girls, some allegedly his own sisters, when he was a young teenager. The full details of the molesting will never be known as a judge ordered the destruction of all files related to the case. But I think it safe to assume it involved more than the chaste side-hugs that the family encourages demands.

And the family isn’t denying anything. They say they have moved on from that bad time, and that Josh received appropriate counseling. In fact it seems he was sent to another family of adherents to the Advanced Training Institute for in-house care; I wonder if they had any daughters.

As the turmoil rages, and the need for cash grows, I suggest Jim Bob get in touch with Hugh Hefner at Playboy and discuss the possibility of a Girls of the Duggar Family issue.

Since their popularity rose, the Duggars have made any number of comments regarding other people’s lifestyles; hurling stones at gays, lesbians and transgender folks all the while living in their own glass house. This group is a bible-thumping sect in a pickle jar. The matriarch, Michelle, kept popping out babies like a Pez dispenser. The kids are all home-schooled lest the real world appear attractive to them and they bolt. With two daughters married recently all was hunky dory in Duggar-land until this bombshell.

So time will tell if TLC sticks to its guns and keeps the Duggars under wraps, or, given the show’s popularity – it must be a nice little earner for the network – bring them back. This is, after all, the network that lives off the fat of the land with the My 600 Pound Life series, so anything is possible.

But if the network  doesn’t  continue with the series the Duggars my find themselves in a bit of a financial pickle. As the turmoil rages, and the need for cash grows, I suggest Jim Bob get in touch with Hugh Hefner at Playboy and discuss the possibility of a Girls of the Duggar Family issue. Of course initially the two will be talking at cross purposes with Jim Bob willing to provide a few racy shots of Jinger’s kneecaps, or Jana’s back while Hef will want some actual T&A shots.

Whoever said the bigger they are the harder they fall can put another feather in their cap.

Daily Post: Laughter

 

DCS_Grad_2 DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DC on Twitter @DCMontreal and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

 

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DCMontreal Commentary, DCMontreal Light, Humor, Media, News, Opinion, Television, United States, Wordpress

Jessa “The Front Hugger” Duggar’s Engagement

DragRacer

“Warning: This blog post contains references to full front hugging. Reader discretion is advised”

Son of a bitch! Did you see that? There I was watching 19 Kids and Counting, a program I check out every so often from a purely sociological perspective – like watching a train wreck –  when it happened. No warning at all and well before 10:00 PM. Jessa Dugger and her then wooer, now fiance Catholic-hating Ben Seewald celebrated their engagement with a front hug!!!

So the limit for a courting couple is the occasional “side-hug”; something akin to how you might wish your milkman a happy birthday.

Yep, not an inadvertent slip that resulted in a front hug along the lines of what happened to her sister Jill and her now husband Derick Dillard when they met at the airport. That incident resulted in parental explanations and admonishment and a reassurance that they would say a few extra prayers. (If you ask me Jill and Derick’s slip really only caused a semi-front hug, but that was enough to get mom Michelle and pop Jim Bob worked up.)

If you are not familiar with the pickle-loving Duggars, they are devout adherents of the Independent Fundamental Baptist church which advocates strict conservative beliefs, including for some a ban on touching before marriage. So the limit for a courting couple is the occasional “side-hug”; something akin to how you might wish your milkman a happy birthday.

I realize that television being what it is, and real life being what it is, that Jessa and Ben are now actually married. But as I’m not an insider, I can only conduct my highly scientific analysis based on what I see on my HD screen!

I sat there shocked, stunned and frankly surprised that bolts of lighting didn’t rain down on the solarium as Jessa’s breasts mashed against Ben’s pecs, and one can only imagine what was stirring  just south of Ben’s Bible Belt …

After a long, drawn-out scavenger hunt, Jessa arrived at some glass chapel thing that looked more like an abandoned solarium than anything religious. After he popped the question and got an affirmative response the two embraced. Right there on TV, a full frontal hug. Why didn’t TLC run a “Warning: This program contains scenes with front hugging. Viewer discretion is advised” before this lewd scene?

I sat there shocked, stunned and frankly surprised that bolts of lighting didn’t rain down on the solarium as Jessa’s breasts mashed against Ben’s pecs, and one can only imagine what was stirring  just south of Ben’s Bible Belt when you consider these two adults have been courting without contact for some time.

They didn’t even drink to the couple. At Irish Catholic weddings we drink to many things, but mostly to the point of falling down!

They say that Jessa and Ben opted to have their first kiss in private rather than at the wedding service in front of all the other cult members. This is in stark contrast to Jill and Derick over whom Jim Bob just about had to chuck a bucket of water once he gave them the okay. Following that first lip-lock they bolted down the aisle and up to their room, only to return later. Guests applauded as they entered the room, one almost expected the groom to proudly wave a blood-stained sheet. The highlight of the reception was the serving of Root Beer Floats, laced liberally with … well… root beer. They didn’t even drink to the couple. At Irish Catholic weddings we drink to many things, but mostly to the point of falling down!

I think Jim Bob and Michelle use the “drag racing” approach to grandchildren. In drag racing they hold the dragsters in place and rev the engine and heat up the tires so that once the rubber hits the road the car is well on its way to maximum speed. The Duggars ban significant touching before marriage, but once the “I Dos” have been uttered one Hot Rod is off and running but no rubber please!

 

Me DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DC on Twitter @DCMontreal and on Facebook, and add him on Google+
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Pawn Stars and the man with the 132 pound scrotum

TLC

TLC

Just when you thought there was nothing on television, as Bruce Springsteen said “57 channels and nothing on”, along comes TLC with their special on Wesley Warren Jr., titled The Man with the 132 Pound Scrotum. I’m not making that up, in fact I don’t think I could. How in the world can you possibly get along without watching a program like that? You can see why they call it The Learning Channel because you sure do learn stuff, but sometimes you might have been better off not knowing about it.

From time to time, when there are no gargantuan testicles to watch, I do enjoy taking-in an episode or two of Pawn Stars – usually two as they tend to run them back-to-back – although I have to admit I don’t always understand how people can be so easily duped. Let’s say someone comes in with an item that they want to sell.

Are all these people drug or gambling addicts, because they seem to be in such a hurry to get some cash in their pockets

After having an expert examine and determine that the object is official and truly what the owner said it was, a price is put on it. Perhaps the item is valued by the expert at, just to make things simple, $100. The next question they ask is how much you want for it? Well having been told by your expert that it’s worth $100 I’d be asking for that. Of course that’s foolish because the Pawn Stars guys aren’t ever going to give you what the item is worth, that’s how they make their living, but then you don’t have to sell it either.

Sorry sir, but no matter how big your testicles are, if you just had one more we could do business

Are all these people drug or gambling addicts, because they seem to be in such a hurry to get some cash in their pockets that they often let things go for much less than the value. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly these people will part with their inheritance or their antiques. My favorite is the guy who points out to the audience in the parking lot interview that his widget only cost him $5 at a garage sale, but he’s hoping to get $200 for it. The widget expert determines the value at $700 and Rick or Hoss pays the guy $300 and he leaves thinking he’s got a great deal because he only paid $5; he thinks he’s up $295 when in fact he’s down $400 from what the item is worth. It’s not what you paid for it, but what it’s worth that matters.

Wikipedia

Wikipedia

Maybe they could do a cross-over episode and have Mr. Warren come in with his testicles! Have them examined by a urologist to determine their authenticity, have the two parties haggle back and forth with Mr.Warren not looking to sell them, but seeking a position in the Pawn Shop window and Rick, after much thought pointing out that the traditional pawn shop symbol is three balls. “Sorry sir, but no matter how big your testicles are, if you just had one more we could do business.”

Logo_3DCMontreal is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that. a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and Freans and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DC on Twitter @DCMontreal and on Facebook, and add him on Google+
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