Support for Montreal’s proposed ban on pit bulls has dropped significantly since it was first introduced. In the immediate aftermath of the deadly attack on a woman by a dog last June support was strong. Perhaps a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to the sad and tragic incident, without waiting to see how things panned out. As time passes fewer people are in favour of the breed specific ban.
But one opinion has been omitted from the discourse, so your intrepid blogger took it upon himself to go to the horse … er …. dog’s mouth and interview an actual pit bull.
Many have weighed in on the controversial law that, if enacted, would call for pit bulls to be sterilised, to wear muzzles in public, to have microchips inserted and ban future pit bull breeding. Dog owners, non-dog owners, veterinarians, lawyers and many more have expressed opinions, most of them against the law. But one opinion has been omitted from the discourse, so your intrepid blogger took it upon himself to go to the horse … er …. dog’s mouth and interview an actual pit bull.
Arriving at the prearranged secret location my subject, who insisted on anonymity, immediately sprang at me, standing on his hind legs with his forelegs on my chest. “Don’t maul me” I shouted.
“Don’t be a fool,” he replied. “I’m not going to maul you, I’m just patting you down to make sure you’re not wired.”
It’s bad enough you treat other humans based on looks and colour, please don’t bring that trend to the animal world.
Once he was confident I was not representing the government, and my heart rate returned to somewhat normal. I was ready to get going but as I was about to ask my first question he put up a big paw to stop me then tapped on the table with his claw.
“What?” I asked.
“Where are they?”
“Oh yes, here.”
I reached into my pocket and placed a handful of dog treats on the table. He took one, expertly bit off a small piece, like a sommelier with wine he gave it much consideration, crunched it and swallowed it.
“Milkbone, fresh, good quality. Got all I asked for?”
I assured him I had a half box of them packed away in various pockets, just as he had requested. Only then did he agree to commence with the interview; here’s some of our conversation.
DCMontreal: Is it fair to have a breed specific ban?
Pit Bull: Of course not. How are they going to determine the breed? What about mixed breeds? If a dog bites someone and it turns out to be 48% pit bull it’s no big deal, but 51% and it’s off to the knackers yard? The only thing this has done is fuel a black market for false papers. I know purebreds who have papers stating they are only one quarter pit bull. And what if a Doberman rips out someone’s throat? Is that somehow less egregious?
DCM: What about the idea of sterilisation?
PB: Oh, sure, isn’t that a wonderful idea. They lop off our manhood then they’re all surprised when we’re cranky and bite people. C’mon, give me a break, if I can’t be a big shot with the bitches, what’s left? I’ll tell you: biting. And tell me something, isn’t it ironic that the world’s biggest spaying and neutering activist is a guy named Bob BARKER? No part of that guy is dog.
At this point, he again tapped the table and I put down another handful of treats, as he had been snacking while talking.
DCM: And those muzzles. How are you with that idea?
PB: Muzzles are great; on politicians, but not on dogs. Look at that guy in the States Donald Trump. If ever there was an argument for a muzzle it’s him. No, muzzles are way too constricting. Let’s say I’m walking down the street and I see something I want to pick up in my mouth and shake ..
DCM: You mean a child?
PB: No I don’t mean a child. I mean a stick. We love to pick up sticks in our mouths and shake them. But with a muzzle that little bit of enjoyment is gone.
DCM: What about the insertion of a microchip?
PB: That’s no problem. But the anesthetic can be dangerous.
DCM: I don’t believe they use anesthetic. I think they insert it just under the skin with a needle.
PB: (Chortling) I’d like to see the vet who is going to try to put a microchip ‘just under my skin’.
At this point I was out of dog treats and so the interview came to an end. But before we parted he gave me one last statement.
PB: Have you ever seen a Bouvier?
DCM: I’m afraid I don’t move in those social circles. I’ve never even been to the Hamptons.
PB: No no, stupid not those Bouviers I mean the breed Bouvier des Flandres, those dogs that look like big lovable poodles. They are adorable, but given an opportunity they will tear your arm off. Do I hear of a Bouvier ban? Nope. But a mean looking dog such as myself and my fellow pit bulls are another thing. It’s bad enough you treat other humans based on looks and colour, please don’t bring that trend to the animal world.
I had to admit, he had me there.