Christmas Poem 2020


Twas the night before Christmas, but Rudolph wasn’t red-nosed,
No doubt due to the fact the bars are all still closed.

The heroic reindeer wasn’t the only one with the seasonal blahs,
The big guy himself checked Legault’s moral contract looking for a Santa clause.

This year for the first time in decades, a St. Paddy’s Day parade did lack,
Frankly, if 2020 was a fish I’d sure as hell throw it back.

But a cocktail of mirth and cheer is the tonic for times so trying,
Much like those Bullfrog Blues, we’re laughing just to keep from crying.

Traditionally this little poem is meant to bring some Christmas cheer,
Let’s see what happens given this most untraditional year.

So let’s take a moment while relatively unimpaired,
To see how some bar regulars in confinement faired.

Joe started to fear gaining weight now that he wasn’t running a pub,
He took his bike to the streets delivering other folks’ high-calorie grub.

Publican Paul looked for a new place, another pub, a different atmosphere,
In preparation for when he finds it, he started brewing his own beer

Bert spent confinement perfecting beer elevators,
He got the idea from dealing with many dumb waiters.

Thinking of a career change, Doug took up bagels to sell,
It was better than his first idea, delivering shots of Purell.

It wasn’t news when Angela opted to make a move, not a bit surprisin’,
We all wish her the very best now that she’s working for Verizon.

TimO has a sharp mind especially when it comes to beer and business,
He discovered he could make money selling his used widgets back to Guinness. 

Donald supported Liverpool from January to December,
But will he ever believe he’s met my actual family member?

Chef Tim thought he’d found his niche shucking and selling oysters,
But locked down in confinement, he felt more like a nun in cloisters.

Dan listens to blues and jazz, never Supertramp,
The electric piano, his style it does cramp.

PeterO continued to deny that long hair was just a fad,
This year he’ll switch from drinking wine to sipping Old-Grandad.

Antony turned to the classics to cope, including Keats and Shelley,
Let’s get this straight he told me, I’m still not Frankie Fanelli.

Kevin the roofer is proud of his handsome fast-growing lad,
He’s even getting used to being referred to simply as Gerard’s dad.

She works hard does Natasha, making sure everyone else chills and relaxes
This year she started a side business of her own, called it Skip the Taxes.

Enzo helps out behind the bar, but Nat has the final say,
He’s a big man so he’s best known for getting in the way

His son Nick’s a great guy, he sticks to beer and leaves the shots,
I feel guilty for that time at Ziggy’s when I ate all his Tater Tots.

For a tall man, Guy tries to keep a low profile, nothing to do with hurt feelings,
Rather, he’s just trying to avoid nasty encounters with too-low ceilings.

The fear of a Trump victory added to Boston Bill’s panic disorder,
He spent the summer in Vermont, trying to mail himself across the border.

Like an escaped prisoner, it was good to see TimB back behind bars, 
The sight of him in a kilt left many a girl, and a few guys, with eyes full of stars

Teresa from McKibbin’s was straight forward to the core, 
Get on her bad side and you’ll soon be out the door

Dom did a fine job at N Bar, referring to herself as Dougette,
All summer she told us there was air conditioning then told us not to sweat.

Corkonian Paul returned to Ireland, the virus he did circumvent,
He’s a good lad, but please don’t tease him about his accent.

In her life she’s had many famous suitors, it’s quite the phenomenon,
They’re all like Irish rebels in 1916, willing to take a shot at Dawn.

Arnesh spread his talents to a few bars, essentially freelancing,
He had to spend Diwali alone while drinking shots and Bhangra dancing. 

Johanna kept the good ship N afloat, mixing cocktails in teacups heirloom,
She’d have been happier if she could just serve them via Zoom

Brendan and his pals sought big game, not goose or duckling,
The only sound heard was that of deer in the woods chuckling.

Chainsaw Tommy has no time for hotshot boasters,
But he’ll always accept an offered breakfast at Roasters

Laz still thinks computer nerds are just weirdos,
Claims that he’s the best when it comes to doing Windows.

Sam’s not a young man, and he’s seen things most horrid
After all that he wasn’t going to take a chance with COVID.

Lumberjack Evan is one of England’s finest guys,
When climbing trees he now sticks to Bonsais.

Business was good for Shelly, about that there is no doubt,
She convinced many that changing their locks will keep the virus out.

Jen was so bored with the lock-down, that she took in a roommate,
When the mouse arrived, the TV remote he did expropriate.

After his illness, Syd had to give up some things he loves,
I just hope he finally changed those blue rubber gloves

Brad had a little spill after having a few beers,
Not a big deal, I mean, who really needs two ears?

Christos pops up everywhere, he’s not hard to please,
But his favourite is any place with a waitress to tease.

Mario tried to dispel some online theories that arose,
He’s still the best when it comes to taking barroom photos.

Richard continued to seek his own place of peace,
Here’s hoping he keeps one step ahead of the police.

I always add an apology for those I’ve missed,
Unlike other years this year, I can’t blame being pissed.

For many reasons 2020 has been one hell of a year,
For 2021 I wish you health, good fortune, and cheer! 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Published by DCMontreal

DCMontreal - Deegan Charles Stubbs - is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

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