Murder Hornets Seek Legal Counsel


Hornet
Photo: pej_pej_pej/Getty Images

In many ways, we live in politically correct times. Some good, some inane. Should sports teams, professional and otherwise, drop names such as Chiefs, Indians, Eskimos and, Braves? Absolutely.

If your school colour is red, and, like my alma mater McGill, your men’s sports teams are called Redmen (and assuming no reference is made to “Indians”) should you change it? I don’t really think so, but McGill has gone and done so anyway. I guess it just wasn’t worth the hassle.

Regardless of the fact that this would be a good name for a Punk band, those who have been saddled (and yes, some of them are the size of horses) with the moniker are none too pleased

A new debate is rising on the horizon, and being on the cutting edge of these things I will let you in on the ground floor. As if it wasn’t horrendous enough to be dealing with a Coronavirus pandemic, it seems we now will have to come to terms with some new residents known, at least for now, as Murder Hornets.

Regardless of the fact that this would be a good name for a Punk band, those who have been saddled (and yes, some of them are the size of horses) with the moniker are none too pleased. And believe me, an angry hornet is not something to be taken lightly.

These potentially homicidal flyers, known as Asian giant hornets, and officially as Vespa mandarinia (although not a shred of evidence exists of them riding Italian scooters) are making their way into Canada. 

Vespa
Imagine a hornet big enough to ride a Vespa!

My sources in the apiology world inform me that these newcomers are currently seeking legal advice vis a vis the use of the word murder to describe them. They cite the matter of crows who, in an ongoing legal debate, are fighting the antiquated term ‘murder’ to refer to a group of them. Why should congregating deem them to be murderers? Although during the pandemic humans gathering may well be murderers.

Could there not be Manslaughter hornets – both voluntary and involuntary?

The hornets main point, other than the one on their arse, is why jump to the nth degree? Could there not be Manslaughter hornets – both voluntary and involuntary? Criminal negligence hornets?  What if they were being whacked by a fly-swatter – Justifiable manslaughter hornets?

They also argue for low-interest loans and bursaries as they point out that education is the key: a hornet with a mere B.A. is a First Degree Murder Hornet, while one with an M.A is considered to be a Second Degree Murder Hornet. 

Hopefully, some legal minds will soon take on the Hornets’ case.  The longer we continue to call them murderers the more likely they are to take out their frustration on innocent Honeybees. 

Published by DCMontreal

DCMontreal - Deegan Charles Stubbs - is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

One thought on “Murder Hornets Seek Legal Counsel

  1. There are nice people and those who are “nasty nice.” Those nasty nice bigots have gone overboard with the nice and have become sickening.

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