Dear Coors, Please Stop Messing With My Head


 

Can_Opener

Dear Coors,

Long have I been a happy consumer of your Light beer. It is my intention to go on enjoying your product, but you have to stop messing with my head. Yes I do realize that one of the characteristics of the consumption of alcoholic beverages is the potential to experience altered brain activity, including the inability to properly gauge one’s level of attractiveness to the opposite sex.

My gripe is not the actual beer, but rather the gimmicky packaging

My gripe is not the actual beer, but rather the gimmicky packaging. First it was mountains depicted on cans that turned blue when appropriately frigid. This reminded me of when I was young and my grandmother had an ornament, it was a poodle, that changed between pink and blue depending on atmospheric conditions and therefore acted as a harbinger of wet or dry weather.

Then you came out with the little second hole punch on your cans. Again nothing new; when I was growing up the pull tab was but a wishful thought in some engineer’s mind. Of course at that time I was limited to soft drinks, but they came in cans that required manual hole punching to get at the content. Punching two holes, opposite each other, provided a flow of air that produced a smooth pour.

Again nothing new; when I was growing up the pull tab was but a wishful thought in some engineer’s mind

The use of the neat little contraption on your cans that punched the first hole, then swivelled to pop the second, became second nature after a while. So much so that I found myself trying to do it with soft drink cans not equipped with the technology. Then, from one 12-pack to the next, the second hole punch was gone. Vanished. I suspect it dawned on the Coors folks that this thing was really more of a nuisance than a help, so back to the old single hole cans they went. Unfortunately I still find myself trying to pop that second hole.

Please tell me that you are through with these marketing ruses, and will concentrate on your fine beer!

(By the way I will be pleased to provide you with my complete home address should you wish to express your appreciation – with or without second hole technology – for my suggestions.)

DCS_Grad_2 DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DC on Twitter @DCMontreal and on Facebook, and add him on Google+
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