As I write a massive manhunt is underway in northern New York State for two escaped murderers, Richard Matt and David Sweat. There are roadblocks and checkpoints on Interstates, school events have been cancelled, and people cautioned to be vigilant and stay indoors as much as possible. The two were able to establish themselves as the first to break out of the 150 year-old Clinton County Correctional Facility in Dannemora, New York, about twenty-five miles from the Canadian border.
It seems they used power tools to cut through walls, the noise camouflaged by legitimate construction being undertaken in the prison. The details of how this could have happened will be ascertained once they have been captured, but for now the main goal is to track down these two escapees (and yes I know a debate over escapee vs escaper brews, but I’m giving it a pass).
It is my belief that if these guys are smart enough to get out, they have probably done some research on where to go. I figure the last place they want to go is south, even if one of them has connections in Mexico. No, these guys are headed due north to Canada. They timed their break to coincide with Grand Prix weekend in Montreal when there are so many English-speaking tourists crossing into Canada that they would not have to be concerned about standing out at the border or in the city.
With the weekend over I imagine they have made their way out of Montreal. The only possible other option is that like many a visitor they may have taken a shine to my fair city and decided to stay for a bit. If that is the case let me suggest some places to look.
Considering these lads have been in prison for sometime, and given Montreal’s many strip clubs I think I know where I’d start my search. Chez Paree and Wanda’s should be checked just for starters. Escort services could also offer some hints.
I’m hoping to never be able to speak from experience on this matter, but I understand prison food is foul. Montreal’s gastronomic reputation is second to none, so I have a hunch these guys may be partaking of some tasty chow. Schwartz’s for smoked meat would be a good setting-off point for two famished men on the lam.
One of the escapees, Matt, may also think he’d blend in here because he was imprisoned not only for murder, but for dismembering his victim. Montreal was the home to Luka Magnotta who gained a considerable amount of infamy for killing and dismembering Lin Jun. Did Matt figure it was a trend here?
But there is one sticking point to all this; Richard Matt, aside from several tattoos, also has metal front teeth. Yep, like the grill on an old Chevy, he has had his front teeth chromed. This may be big in prison, but if you’re trying to not stand out while scarpering from the police, you may want to rethink having this done.
So fellow Canadians I suggest we be on the lookout for two hungry, horny men with American accents. I realize that with tourist season upon us we will soon be inundated with guys who fit to a tee that bill. So the key is to get them to smile and look for those metal front choppers. But for god’s sake don’t try to effect this by tickling them!!!