Man Holed-Up by Irate Groundhog; Failed Meteorological Career Blamed


Groundhog traps man in house
Groundhog traps man in house
“C’mon out ya bastard and tell the people how far off spring is”. “Let’s hold you up like a half-asleep moron for all the world to see.” “Don’t be afraid of your shadow ya chicken-shit.”

According to CNN, a New Hampshire man was recently attacked and chased by a groundhog. The angry critter kept the man holed-up in his house.

Throughout the ordeal the irate rodent shouted at the man then hurled his rotund body at the glass sliding door, bellowing. “C’mon out ya bastard and tell the people how far off spring is”. “Let’s hold you up like a half-asleep moron for all the world to see.” “Don’t be afraid of your shadow ya chicken-shit.”

Groundhog_2
“C’mon out ya bastard and tell the people how far off spring is”

The animal was finally taken into custody, shouting “I could have been the next Punxsutawney Phil” – clearly a frustrated beast, lamenting a failed media career . Known to police, Marmota Monax has a long rap-sheet, many aliases including  woodchuck, whistle-pig, and land-beaver, and a history public nuisance.

As Monax was taken away in paw-cuffs he was heard to shout “Get me Geragos and Joey Jackson” evidently a request to be represented by noted defense attorneys and CNN commentators Mark Geragos and Joey Jackson.

Me DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DC on Twitter @DCMontreal and on Facebook, and add him on Google+
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