Jessa “The Front Hugger” Duggar’s Engagement


DragRacer

“Warning: This blog post contains references to full front hugging. Reader discretion is advised”

Son of a bitch! Did you see that? There I was watching 19 Kids and Counting, a program I check out every so often from a purely sociological perspective – like watching a train wreck –  when it happened. No warning at all and well before 10:00 PM. Jessa Dugger and her then wooer, now fiance Catholic-hating Ben Seewald celebrated their engagement with a front hug!!!

So the limit for a courting couple is the occasional “side-hug”; something akin to how you might wish your milkman a happy birthday.

Yep, not an inadvertent slip that resulted in a front hug along the lines of what happened to her sister Jill and her now husband Derick Dillard when they met at the airport. That incident resulted in parental explanations and admonishment and a reassurance that they would say a few extra prayers. (If you ask me Jill and Derick’s slip really only caused a semi-front hug, but that was enough to get mom Michelle and pop Jim Bob worked up.)

If you are not familiar with the pickle-loving Duggars, they are devout adherents of the Independent Fundamental Baptist church which advocates strict conservative beliefs, including for some a ban on touching before marriage. So the limit for a courting couple is the occasional “side-hug”; something akin to how you might wish your milkman a happy birthday.

I realize that television being what it is, and real life being what it is, that Jessa and Ben are now actually married. But as I’m not an insider, I can only conduct my highly scientific analysis based on what I see on my HD screen!

I sat there shocked, stunned and frankly surprised that bolts of lighting didn’t rain down on the solarium as Jessa’s breasts mashed against Ben’s pecs, and one can only imagine what was stirring  just south of Ben’s Bible Belt …

After a long, drawn-out scavenger hunt, Jessa arrived at some glass chapel thing that looked more like an abandoned solarium than anything religious. After he popped the question and got an affirmative response the two embraced. Right there on TV, a full frontal hug. Why didn’t TLC run a “Warning: This program contains scenes with front hugging. Viewer discretion is advised” before this lewd scene?

I sat there shocked, stunned and frankly surprised that bolts of lighting didn’t rain down on the solarium as Jessa’s breasts mashed against Ben’s pecs, and one can only imagine what was stirring  just south of Ben’s Bible Belt when you consider these two adults have been courting without contact for some time.

They didn’t even drink to the couple. At Irish Catholic weddings we drink to many things, but mostly to the point of falling down!

They say that Jessa and Ben opted to have their first kiss in private rather than at the wedding service in front of all the other cult members. This is in stark contrast to Jill and Derick over whom Jim Bob just about had to chuck a bucket of water once he gave them the okay. Following that first lip-lock they bolted down the aisle and up to their room, only to return later. Guests applauded as they entered the room, one almost expected the groom to proudly wave a blood-stained sheet. The highlight of the reception was the serving of Root Beer Floats, laced liberally with … well… root beer. They didn’t even drink to the couple. At Irish Catholic weddings we drink to many things, but mostly to the point of falling down!

I think Jim Bob and Michelle use the “drag racing” approach to grandchildren. In drag racing they hold the dragsters in place and rev the engine and heat up the tires so that once the rubber hits the road the car is well on its way to maximum speed. The Duggars ban significant touching before marriage, but once the “I Dos” have been uttered one Hot Rod is off and running but no rubber please!

 

Me DCMontreal – Deegan Charles Stubbs – is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DC on Twitter @DCMontreal and on Facebook, and add him on Google+
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