My human has taken refuge from our exceptionally hot weather in Montreal and gone to sit in the shade of a tree at a local park and cool down for a little while. I notice he’s brought a beach towel so I imagine a little nap is in store as well – not that I am averse to the occasional siesta! Let me tell you that was very silly of him. Fool that he is, he has gone and left his iPad out with the WordPress application open, just begging for an impromptu guest blog from me, Ferguson the Tabby.
Now what would a gentleman tabby such as myself, given this opportunity to address the world (OK, I know he doesn’t get that much traffic) via the Internet write about? Would he carp on about how he dislikes the new scented kitty litter his human has purchased for him? This is surely the feline version of colored toilet paper, and we all know how long that lasted; one can only imagine what those chemicals are doing to one’s nether regions.
Would he gripe about the life-altering procedure that was forced upon him before he was of an age to even give fatherhood a serious thought, along the lines of infant baptism wouldn’t you say? Not really worth it now is it? Perhaps he’d take a swipe at the silliness surrounding the marijuana legalization debate, given the long-time, legal, wide-ranging availability of catnip.
No, what I want to get across today in the limited time I have until he gets back, hopefully with ice cream (although knowing him he’ll probably bring a bowl of hot soup), is my ire over a recent post my human produced consisting of photos of me looking into a mirror and, allegedly, making a new friend. Yep, that got my dander up. (By the way did you know that people who are allergic to cats are actually allergic to our dander?. Just a little sidebar.) Where was I? Oh yes … nothing like making a fool of a cat for a few chuckles is there? Oh no, howls of laughter as the tabby has a good old chat with himself in the mirror, isn’t that just a scream. Nose touching as well, good thing he didn’t show a shot of me looking behind the mirror for the “other” cat. I only wish I had felt intimidated by the intrusion of another cat and pissed all over my human’s living room to re-establish my turf! Now that would have been a riot.
I called the local SPCA for some advice and was told they only handle cases of physical abuse. Slander allegations are not deemed important enough to be considered. When I gave the lady the web address of the blog post in question, fully expecting a reply along the lines of “Oh no, this must be stopped immediately”, all I got was “Isn’t that the cutest thing? A new friend for you”. Thanks a bunch ma’am.
So I fear I’m doomed to live with this for all of my nine lives; nothing to do but make life miserable for him most mornings at about five o’clock. I’ll post this now as I hear him on the stairs and, assuming he’s got his hands full of ice cream cones, I have to do my thing and weave around his legs, trying to trip him up. It’s a cat thing.
Daily Prompt: Odd Trio – requirements fulfilled!