Background checks should be mandatory for hoodie buyers


I have long had an interest in the criminal mind. I suppose that as a law-abiding citizen who appreciates the need for law and order I find it annoying yet somehow intriguing that some people spend more energy breaking the rules than simply going along with them. Furthermore, as a great lover of life, I find the concept of murder, of taking another life, fascinating – but that’s fodder for another post.

I’m not suggesting an immediate all-out ban on hoodies. The logical way to go about this is to have a hoodie registration system in place and to make it mandatory for all prospective hoodie purchasers to undergo background checks.

Being a balanced person my interest in the criminal element of society is matched by my interest in modern-day police work. I am enthralled by the science of criminal investigation. My choice of television entertainment is often programs that feature crime solving attempts. Mind you they have to have some sense of reality to them; the CSI series is of no interest to me, but I can watch episode after episode of The First 48. (I’m hoping this is the year I make it to Confesor Gonzalez’ Christmas card list.)

Robin Hood statue in Nottingham, UK
Robin Hood statue in Nottingham, UK

From time to time I’ve even been known to monitor police scanners over the Internet just out of curiosity, which brings me to my point. Based solely on my unscientific research, what we as a society should be concerned with are not the mentally ill or guns, but hoodies. Yep … never mind gun control, get those damn hoodies off the street and we’ll be half-way home. It seems virtually all suspects on reality television crime shows and many “suspicious persons” mentioned on police radio are wearing hoodies.

When I was a young fellow we called them kangaroos because of the pouch-like pocket on the front of the sweatshirt. In fact one of the first things we did with them was cut off the hood, such was the fashion.

Sketch by Jeanne Boylan
Unabomber Forensic Sketch by Jeanne Boylan

History and popular culture are full of examples of hoodies being misused; from that first advocate of the garment, Robin Hood-ie to Frank Sinatra and his Rat Pack’s Robin and the 7 Hoods. Real crime also has its share of hoodie users, including Unabomber Ted Kaczynski.

So before someone starts an NHA – National Hoodie Association – let’s consider taking this tool out of the criminal’s arsenal! Of course I’m not suggesting an immediate all-out ban on hoodies – at least not yet. The logical way to go about this is to have a hoodie registration system in place and to make it mandatory for all prospective hoodie purchasers to undergo background checks.

MeDCMontreal is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and Freans and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DC on Twitter @DCMontreal and on Facebook, and add him on Google+
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