Just when you thought there was nothing on television, as Bruce Springsteen said “57 channels and nothing on”, along comes TLC with their special on Wesley Warren Jr., titled The Man with the 132 Pound Scrotum. I’m not making that up, in fact I don’t think I could. How in the world can you possibly get along without watching a program like that? You can see why they call it The Learning Channel because you sure do learn stuff, but sometimes you might have been better off not knowing about it.
From time to time, when there are no gargantuan testicles to watch, I do enjoy taking-in an episode or two of Pawn Stars – usually two as they tend to run them back-to-back – although I have to admit I don’t always understand how people can be so easily duped. Let’s say someone comes in with an item that they want to sell.
Are all these people drug or gambling addicts, because they seem to be in such a hurry to get some cash in their pockets
After having an expert examine and determine that the object is official and truly what the owner said it was, a price is put on it. Perhaps the item is valued by the expert at, just to make things simple, $100. The next question they ask is how much you want for it? Well having been told by your expert that it’s worth $100 I’d be asking for that. Of course that’s foolish because the Pawn Stars guys aren’t ever going to give you what the item is worth, that’s how they make their living, but then you don’t have to sell it either.
Sorry sir, but no matter how big your testicles are, if you just had one more we could do business
Are all these people drug or gambling addicts, because they seem to be in such a hurry to get some cash in their pockets that they often let things go for much less than the value. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly these people will part with their inheritance or their antiques. My favorite is the guy who points out to the audience in the parking lot interview that his widget only cost him $5 at a garage sale, but he’s hoping to get $200 for it. The widget expert determines the value at $700 and Rick or Hoss pays the guy $300 and he leaves thinking he’s got a great deal because he only paid $5; he thinks he’s up $295 when in fact he’s down $400 from what the item is worth. It’s not what you paid for it, but what it’s worth that matters.
Maybe they could do a cross-over episode and have Mr. Warren come in with his testicles! Have them examined by a urologist to determine their authenticity, have the two parties haggle back and forth with Mr.Warren not looking to sell them, but seeking a position in the Pawn Shop window and Rick, after much thought pointing out that the traditional pawn shop symbol is three balls. “Sorry sir, but no matter how big your testicles are, if you just had one more we could do business.”