Dear Royal Baby: A letter of Welcome from Canada


www.mirror.co.uk
http://www.mirror.co.uk

Dear Royal Baby,

Now that you have arrived I thought I’d drop you a line to say welcome and bring you up to speed on what to expect. I know you were a bit hesitant to get here, and kept a whole bunch of folks waiting, (some say it took a few hours even after you were born to get the silver spoon out of your mouth) but don’t feel bad about that. You’ll learn that you, as third in line to the throne, will be able to do pretty much what you want. Or will you?

First off, the people you annoyed most by being late were those camped outside the hospital. For the most part they were reporters and photographers so don’t give them a second thought

First off, the people you annoyed most by being late were those camped outside the hospital. For the most part they were reporters and photographers so don’t give them a second thought. You will come to realize members of your family have a love/hate relationship with the media – they love to hate them. Some of course, like your dear departed Grandmother Diana,  learn to use the media with utmost skill.

… unfortunately you won’t be able to really have fun like your Uncle Harry who, as a “spare”, not an heir can go to town with only the occasional wrist slap for some naked romp 

Being third in line gives you ample time to hone your talents and style. Unless some awful tragedy befalls the Royal Family you will have to bide your time through to the end of Great Granny Elizabeth’s reign (you should know her mother lived to be 100 and Liz shows no signs of slowing down at all), then Grandpa Charles will get a crack at it (however some think he will be strongly encouraged to abdicate in favour of your dad; given Chuck’s been waiting all his life to be King, I don’t see that happening). But hold on buckaroo, we still have your dad’s turn on the throne to get through and then it will be your go at it.

Being third in line gives you ample time to hone your talents and style

So I suggest you sit back, relax and enjoy the ride – unfortunately you won’t be able to really have fun like your Uncle Harry who, as a “spare”, not an heir can go to town with only the occasional wrist slap for some naked romp or other (that will make sense one day). I hope you are going to be the studious type so you can make the most of all that first-rate education you’re in for because with the media and paparazzi breathing down your neck you will have to forego the really fun stuff. Try to get your parents to send you to a Canadian school for part of your formal training as we are much more laid-back here. Once you graduate I’m sure they’ve got a military position all carved out for you.

No more Edward and Wally Simpson (I’m sure they will tell you about them in good time) having a sly romance on the side – there is no “side” anymore

These first few days of your life may be the most private you will ever have, and they involved hundreds of members of the world media waiting for a glimpse of you. But there’s not a thing you can do. Your folks do things their way; for instance I’ve got a hunch they had your name selected about nine months ago, maybe even nine years ago, but they are keeping us all waiting. The Royal Family, your peeps, is steeped in tradition while the world has advanced rapidly resulting in virtually everyone having a camera with them at all times. No more Edward and Wally Simpson (I’m sure they will tell you about them in good time) having a sly romance on the side – there is no “side” anymore.

But when your time does come, and, as many assume, you become the first king of the 22nd century, make the most of it.

I’ll try to keep in touch, and by the next time I write I hope to know your name, but unless cold lager actually does contain longevity-encouraging ingredients as I like to think it does, I probably won’t see you on the throne. So little guy, welcome to the world. Go with the flow for as long as you can, no use fighting all those years of pomp and circumstance. But when your time does come, and, as many assume, you become the first king of the 22nd century, make the most of it.

Yours truly,

A Commonwealth Subject

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2 thoughts on “Dear Royal Baby: A letter of Welcome from Canada

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