A week ago today, Good Friday, I brought to your attention a memo allegedly by a group of Catholic Cardinals, not to be confused with National League Cardinals, regarding their displeasure with newly elected Pope Francis and posing the possibility of a Papal recall. The memo was leaked (okay … I wrote it) even though the former Pope’s butler had no hand in it. Today I present another document that, um, fell into my hands and indicates the recalcitrant Cardinals have been forced to pursue a different tack.
Fellow Concerned Cardinals,
Having undertaken an exhaustive search through the Vatican’s library I am sorry to inform you that no possibility of a recall of Pope Francis exists. Plain and simple, we are stuck with him. Plain and simple are apt words as he insists on being a simple, humble servant to his flock and turning his back on the trappings of the Papacy. It has come to my attention that in his homeland they have a nickname for those named Francis and so he is known as Pope Paco which only calls to my mind after shave (although a delightfully light, fruity scent from Paco Robanne, but I digress). What next, Pope-Soap-On-a-Rope?
Rest assured fellow Cards I have another suggestion that may solve our problems and bring Francis back on track; put him back in the box, both figuratively and metaphorically, as he has taken to leaving the Popemobile and walking through the crowds in St. Peter’s Square to be with his people. I have come up with the following:
I’m told that if we post this to something called Monster.com we should have no trouble finding a suitable candidate to rein in Francis before his humility, caring and love of his people completely ruin the Papacy. Now if any of you have the faintest idea what monster.com is I will be pleased to nail this notice to its post.