Papal recall rumor on Good Friday


Even with the former butler no longer in position at the Vatican, the following memo was leaked. Apparently it is from one of the Cardinals and reveals his disappointment with Pope Francis.

I think it fair to say that our election of the Argentinian Cardinal isn’t working out exactly as we had hoped. In just the few weeks since the conclave concluded, our freshly minted pontiff has stood all things Vatican on ear. I’ve been doing some research and have found that several countries and states, including Canada, home of our own Cardinal Ouellet, have procedures in place to enact a recall of an elected official if things don’t pan out as hoped. Before getting into the minutia of the process, let me highlight some of the problems.

Since being elected, Francis has eschewed virtually all trappings of the Papacy including:

  1. A total refusal to move into the papal apartment in favor of staying in a flea-bag bed-sit. At first we thought this a blessing as we could rent out the Papal apartment. Then we realized the only people who could afford such luxury in the heart of Rome would be the kind of folks (criminals, celebrities) we wouldn’t really want around the Vatican.
  2. Instead of the Popemobile he has requested an open back vehicle, okay, let’s call it what it is, a pick-up truck. Aside from the security risk of having the Pope exposed to potential danger, I am concerned he’ll use the very back of the truck as a portable altar to bring the mass to the people, calling it a Tailgate Service.
  3. Yesterday he rode in a Volkswagen instead of the Papal limousine. Cardinal Ratzinger drove from Berlin to the prior conclave in the VW. When he was elected Pope, Ratzinger had no more need of the VW so it stayed in the Vatican’s underground parking lot until Francis eyed it last week. (What he was doing down there I shudder to think.
  4. He took a pass on the gold Fisherman’s ring and asked to have a gold plated ring instead. We drew the line at having it made at Walmart.
  5. Yesterday at the Maundy Thursday washing of the feet ceremony, he didn’t wash the feet of those <a href=”http://www.hypersmash.com”>HyperSmash</a>selected few who had been so looking forward to the honor (and, let’s be honest, paid a few Euros for it). No, he washed the feet of young convicts, some of whom were, dare I say it, women.  He even washed the feet of Muslims. What next, golf with the Rabbi?
  6. He’s pointed out that as a person of age, he is entitled to a reduced fare Rome transit pass.

I think you see where this is going. We’ve elected a humble, kind, spiritual man who wants to serve his people. What went wrong?

Okay … maybe I touched it up a bit! Have a Good Friday

 

 

 

Published by DCMontreal

DCMontreal - Deegan Charles Stubbs - is a Montreal writer born and raised who likes to establish balance and juxtapositions; a bit of this and a bit of that, a dash of Yin and a soupçon of Yang, some Peaks and an occasional Frean and maybe a bit of a sting in the tail! Please follow DCMontreal on Twitter and on Facebook, and add him on Google+

9 thoughts on “Papal recall rumor on Good Friday

  1. Very well done. You missed the parts about “What will we do with all the cappa magnas and embroidered robes if the Pope insists on wearing simple clerical garb?”

    And: “He stands in line and rides the bus? How do you stand in line and ride a bus?”

  2. Wonderfully delightful, but:
    “including our own Cardinal Ouellet’s Canadian province of British Columbia”
    is badly phrased.

    Quebec might be miffed at Ouellet’s apparent transmigration.

    1. I agree fully. Was in a rush and only noticed that after. The price you pay when you go for the quick laugh. Of course Ouellet is from Quebec. Thanks.

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