Venezuela to import fluffy white kittens to solve toilet paper shortage; Toiletpapergate
Since the original Watergate scandal hit the US in the early 1970s the -gate term has joined the lexicon to refer to any scandal. From Billy-gate during President Carter’s time to Robo-gate, the 2011 investigation into voter fraud in Canada, we’ve had no end of gated scandals. Now the newly elected government of Venezuela would have us believe there is a Papergate, or more precisely a ToiletPaperGate. It seems the country is suffering a severe shortage of bathroom tissue. As The Guardian put it “Venezuela hopes to wipe out toilet paper shortage by importing 50m rolls”. What’s more interesting is the Maduro government’s allegation that this shortage is caused not by mismanagement, but by ’excessive demand caused by media campaign generated to disrupt the country”
Give a man a roll of toilet paper and you please him for a day, give a man a pair of white fluffy kittens, and you keep him in toilet paper for life
Governments and the media have often clashed, but to accuse the media of causing a toilet paper shortage to undermine the society is either ludicrous or ingenious, I’m not sure yet which. Just how did the media cause this “excessive demand” that exhausted the nation’s supply of toilet paper? No doubt many people over the years must have shit themselves when exposed in the news for wrongdoings, but a concerted effort to deplete the country of tissue is a bit over the top.
In true Maduro fashion, the president has assured the citizens he will solve this problem in no time at all, and to that end has announced the urgent importation of several thousand fluffy white kittens. Turning to the old teach a man how to fish axiom, instead of importing rolls of actual toilet paper, the government will distribute pairs of kittens, one male and one female, to supporters in an effort to produce its own toilet paper on an ongoing basis: Give a man a roll of toilet paper and you please him for a day, give a man a pair of white fluffy kittens, and you keep him in toilet paper for life, is the idea!